Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
