please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
