I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
