Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
