OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize