About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
