i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize