you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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