yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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