i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
