guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
