people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
