So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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