if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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