He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
