He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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