Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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