I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
