YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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