I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
