i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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