party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
