she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
