pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
