i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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