We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is Oprah even human
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
