also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
