I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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