ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
