I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
