Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
