Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize