I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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