Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
