He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
