By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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