Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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