White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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