he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
