it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
