we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
