I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
