My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
