i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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