I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
