just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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