Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
