a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
