im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
