Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will be naked everywhere
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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