i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize