this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
