its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
