It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This beer is not sobering me up at all
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
