JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
