I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
