a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
