I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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