3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
