This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He kissed a someone with a penis
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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