Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
