Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
