im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
