My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You pole danced in your parka.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
