ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
