I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
