I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
